256 Leaving High-Demand Religion and Exploring Non-Monogamy with Natasha Helfer

Leaving high-demand religion isn't just about changing your Sunday morning schedule. It’s about deconstructing a belief system that touches everything in your life. And when you start pulling on this thread, you might find yourself questioning monogamous norms too. These processes can open you up to a wealth of opportunities, but they can also bring a whole lot of uncertainty online. That’s why we're thrilled to bring you this conversation with Natasha Helfer, an AASECT-certified sex therapist supervisor and licensed marriage and family therapist with 30 years of experience working at the intersection of conservative religious upbringing, sexuality, and internalized sexual shame.Natasha was excommunicated from the Mormon church for her advocacy work, so alongside her professional expertise, she brings a wealth of lived experience to this topic. If you've ever struggled with the aftermath of purity culture, if you're deconstructing from high-demand religion while exploring non-monogamy, or if you're supporting someone through this journey, this episode offers validation, insight, and practical frameworks for understanding what's really happening during deconstruction and reconstruction.In this episode, we talk about:— What makes a religion "high-demand" and why sexual behavior monitoring is such a central feature— The difference between being pushed out (excommunication) versus choosing to leave, and why both can be traumatic— Why deconstruction is not a linear process with a clear endpoint— How compulsory monogamy in mainstream culture mirrors compulsory polygamy in fundamentalist communities (and why that realization is so important)— The challenge of doing adolescent developmental work in midlife while simultaneously navigating midlife transitions— Why people deconstructing from one thing (like religion) often start questioning everything else (like monogamy), and why that's actually a natural part of the process— The grief of leaving certainty behind, both religious certainty and the certainty of traditional relationship structures— Practical therapeutic approaches— Why reconstruction work is just as important as deconstruction, and how to build a new identity and value system— The reality that old messaging and shame will resurface periodically—and why accepting that actually helps you move forward— How privilege (race, gender, sexual orientation) dramatically impacts the severity of religious traumaResources mentioned in this episode:— Find Natasha at natashahelfer.com— Natasha’s group practice, Symmetry Counseling— Natasha's seven-week educational group for people exploring ethical non-monogamyJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & supportLearn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for a Playing With Fire Community Call hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions