261. Why Can My Child Do It One Day but Not the Next?

Does homework turn into a nightly cycle of reminders, frustration, and “I already told you”? A child may know how to do the work and still struggle to start, remember the steps, manage materials, stay focused, or finish without constant prompting.  Those struggles can become especially noticeable for children and teens with ADHD or executive functioning difficulties. In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline looks at the gap between knowing what to do and being able to reliably do it in the moment. She explains why repeated reminders can accidentally make adults part of a child’s executive functioning system and shares a different approach: move the support out of your head and into systems children can learn to use independently. You’ll learn how visual routines, checklists, short videos, timers, written instructions, and repeatable “launch sequences” can reduce cognitive load.  Dr. Caroline also shares practical examples from her own family, including the systems she uses to support her daughter with math and the systems she uses herself as an adult with ADHD. The goal is not a child who never forgets. It is a child who knows where to find the answer when they do. Homework Activities The One-Routine Audit Choose one recurring problem that currently requires repeated reminders. Homework startup, packing a backpack, getting ready for school, chores, or sports equipment are good candidates. Write down every reminder you currently give. Then ask: What function is each reminder serving? If you repeatedly tell them what comes next, create a visible sequence. If you announce the time repeatedly, make time visible. If you repeatedly explain the same task, create instructions they can return to. Dr. Caroline specifically recommends beginning with one routine rather than trying to overhaul everything at once.  Build a Homework Launch Sequence Create a short, repeatable startup routine. Based on Caroline’s example:Empty backpack.Check assignment list.Gather materials.Start a five-minute timer.Complete one easy starting action. The purpose is to create a predictable way into the task rather than relying on “Go start your homework.”  Create a Visual Packing Guide Lay out everything needed for a recurring activity and take a photo. The child can compare the contents of their bag against the photo instead of asking, “Do I have everything?” Dr. Caroline shares how she used this strategy after her daughters repeatedly arrived at ringette without important equipment, including skates.  Record the Process For tasks that are difficult to explain with a checklist, record a 30 to 60-second video showing the sequence. Dr. Caroline suggests that recording the child completing the task can be especially useful because it gives them a visual guide they can return to independently.  Practise “Check the System First” When your child asks a familiar question, resist automatically supplying the answer.Try:“Check the system first.” If they check and still cannot solve the problem, join them and use open-ended questions to help them work out what they need. Caroline stresses that the response should remain supportive rather than sarcastic or dismissive.  Use “How” Questions Replace instructions with questions that encourage metacognition:“How are you going to remember this?”“How will you know where to begin?”“How will you know what comes next?”“How will you know when you’re done?” Dr. Caroline describes this as a way to help children start thinking about their own process rather than waiting for an adult to supply each step. Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/ Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/ Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/