RMC 17 - Matrescence as initiation: Froom good girl to wild mother

When I was pregnant, I had a plan. It was color-coded, cross-referenced, and carefully mapped out: at three months postpartum, I would return to work. I would launch programs. I would coach again. The maiden in me was determined to survive motherhood. None of it happened. What followed instead was a freefall — into postpartum, into identity death, into sleepless nights, illness, grief, shattered boundaries, and a nervous system stuck in survival. The first year of motherhood felt less like an arrival and more like an underworld descent. In this episode, I share my motHERstory — not as a success narrative, but as an initiation. I speak about: The shock of matrescence and the lack of language for it The shame of “knowing better” and still falling apart The difference between loving your child and surviving motherhood The good girl who needed control — and the wild woman who waited beneath her How giving birth became my wolf cry And how only years later I can see the immense power that was carrying me all along This conversation weaves together my postpartum journey, my relationship with my mother and maternal lineage, the stories we inherit without consent, and the tools that helped me remember myself — including Human Design, gentle embodiment practices, and being witnessed by other mothers. Motherhood softened my grip on control. This episode also marks the birth of motHERstory — an online space for mothers who feel the pull to understand their story more deeply. Not to fix it. Not to optimise it. But to witness it, honour it, and consciously shape what comes next. Motherhood is not something we perform. Thank you for listening. If this episode resonates, please rate, review, and share—so we can keep normalizing the real, raw, and messy beauty of mothering together.   LET'S CONNECT: Grab your e-book - Mothering Through Human Design On Instagram - @annamariapapayova My website - www.fabwmn.com Book a Becoming Session - BECOMING | Fab Wmn Send me your questions, podcast suggestions and reflections: hello@fabwmn.com