Cut, Benched or Not Recruited? How Athletes Handle What They Can’t Control

You Can Own the Goal Without Owning the Outcome | Controlling the ControllablesValerie Alston explains that athletes can work hard and still miss desired outcomes like making varsity, earning scholarships, or getting recruited because sports involve other people, limited opportunities, circumstances, and luck. She reframes mental toughness as accurate thinking and forward movement when things don’t go as planned, emphasizing separating desired outcomes from controllable process goals. The episode breaks performance factors into three categories—what you control (effort, preparation, attitude, recovery, grades), what you influence (playing time, recruiting interest, team success), and what you must accept (roster needs, injuries, officiating, others’ talent, coaches’ decisions). Alston discusses attribution and realistic optimism, encourages allowing disappointment without rushing to fix it, and offers a three-question reset: what happened, what’s yours to learn, and what happens next, plus discussion prompts for sports families.00:00 Effort Without Guarantees01:43 Own Goal Not Outcome05:53 Control Influence Accept10:30 Rewrite The Story12:46 Realistic Optimism Reroutes18:44 Feel Disappointment Then Act21:06 Three Question Reset22:39 Family Discussion Prompts27:02 Weekly Takeaways And NextThanks for joining me on Confident, Calm, and Clutch Car Ride Conversations! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a moment. Share it with other parents or coaches who could use a little extra inspiration on the go.🧠 FREE Mental Skills Assessment for Your AthleteDoes your athlete perform great in practice but struggle with nerves, pressure, confidence, or bouncing back from mistakes during competition?Stop guessing about what might be getting in the way.With my FREE Mental Skills Assessment, your athlete will complete the Athletic Coping Skills Inventory (ACSI), receive a short personalized report, and join me with you for a FREE 15-minute Zoom call to discuss what we're seeing and identify practical next steps.There are no good or bad scores and no labels. We're simply discovering where your athlete is strong and where they may need to build their mental toughness muscle.Assess. Discover. Build a game plan.👉 Get Your Athlete's FREE Mental Skills Assessment: https://www.confidentcalmclutch.com/assessment For exclusive tips, tools, and updates join my newsletter at www.confidentcalmclutch.com/newsletterFor more specific tips on building mental toughness, buy my book Confident, Calm and Clutch: How to build confidence and mental toughness for young athletes using sports psychologyIf you are a coach looking for ways to build mental toughness into your practices then check out my coaching resources (books, assessments, conversation starters, community and more) here.Parents join my Facebook group to Help Your Athlete Gain Mental Toughness for ParentsHave an idea for a topic? Submit your idea here.Questions? Comments? Ideas? Email me: valerie.alston@valstoncoaching.comFollow Me on:Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valstoncoachingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/valstoncoachingYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@valstoncoaching9666Watch every episode of Car Ride Conversations here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOjguEFjF88w5Wl-eA9dlkwLk7f_sI12V