Why School Isn't Working for Autistic Children with Pete Wharmby

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're joined by autistic author, speaker and former teacher Pete Wharmby. We first saw Pete speak at the SEND protest in London, and we knew straight away we wanted him on the show.Pete's latest book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, looks at what school is really like for autistic children, and why so many of them are struggling. Drawing on his years in the classroom, his own school days and his experience as a parent of an autistic daughter, Pete talks about the inflexibility of mainstream school, from strict uniform rules to stationery checks, and why the problem lies with the system rather than with our children.We also talk about masking, the signs that a child may be holding it together at school and paying for it at home, how masking can tip into burnout, and how Pete recognises burnout in himself as an adult. Pete shares his thoughts on lunchtimes and break times, why lockdown "broke the spell" of school for so many families, and the one idea he'd love every teacher to understand: the double empathy problem.About Pete WharmbyPete Wharmby is an autistic author and speaker who was diagnosed as autistic at 34, and later with ADHD. He spent many years working as a teacher before turning his focus to autism and neurodiversity awareness and acceptance, after being shocked by the statistics around depression, anxiety and life expectancy for autistic people.Pete now delivers talks, keynotes and training for schools, workplaces and organisations across education, health and justice. He is the author of What I Want to Talk About, Untypical and his latest book, Different Minds. He's also a parent to an autistic daughter.Key TakeawaysAutistic children's struggles at school are not their fault, and school refusal is far more likely the less flexible the school environment is.Mainstream school has become more rigid over the last 15 years, at the same time as awareness of neurodivergence has grown, creating a real clash for families.Autistic children need flexibility around uniform, lunchtimes, homework and timetables, because every child's needs are different.Meltdowns after school rarely come from nowhere; they're often the result of a day full of sensory and social stress.Masking at school often carries on at home, so look for exhaustion, irritability, "blank positivity" about the day and a lack of detail.Encouraging a child to stop masking completely at school can put them at risk, so the priority is giving them real downtime at home.Masking can eventually give way to burnout, which can then lead to depression if it isn't recognised and supported.Break times and lunchtimes are unstructured and can be the hardest part of the day for some autistic children.Talking openly with children about autism helps them understand their own brains and make their own choices, such as when to socialise and when to rest.For many autistic children, lockdown showed that school as we know it isn't inevitable, and many families have since chosen home education.A child's enthusiasm for school is fragile, and once broken it is very hard to rebuild.Autistic children respond to teachers who show humanity and can admit when they've got something wrong.The double empathy problem means autistic and non-autistic people can misunderstand each other, and teachers, as the adults, should help bridge that gap.A lack of eye contact or a direct way of speaking is not rudeness; it's often simply an autistic way of communicating. Mentioned in This EpisodeDifferent Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic Schoolchildren Thrive by Pete WharmbyPete's other books, What I Want to Talk About and UntypicalCothú parent training programme with AUsome Training Connect with Pete WharmbyWebsite: https://petewharmby.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pete_wharmby_booksFacebook: Pete Wharmby - Autistic AuthorLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pete-wharmby-58a2131b2 Connect with The Autism MumsWebsite: https://theautismmums.com/Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theautismmumsFollow us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmumsFollow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums