Giving To Get

In this episode, Harinder explores the complex emotional dynamics of overgiving, people-pleasing, and covert expectations of reciprocity. Diving into the roots of self-sacrifice, Harinder reflects on how childhood messages of unworthiness drive us to alter our personalities, hide our true feelings, and seek external validation out of a fear of rejection.  KEY TAKEAWAYS The Reciprocity Trap: Overgiving often stems from an inability to ask directly for what we need, leading to unspoken expectations of reciprocity, covert manipulation, and eventual resentment. Childhood Roots of Self-Effacement: The urge to shape-shift and constantly please others frequently originates from early experiences of feeling unimportant or failing to receive approval from caregivers. The Mask of Pride: Excessive generosity and false humility can serve as a shield to disguise deep-seated insecurity, low self-esteem, and a fear of rejection. Shifting to Equal Partnerships: Healing requires transitioning away from one-sided, transactional dynamics and cultivating balanced relationships based on mutual respect and open communication. Internal Validation: True independence comes from practicing self-empathy, setting clear boundaries, and recognizing that you already possess the love and worth you seek from others. BEST MOMENTS "I give because I don't know how to ask for what I want, so I do the opposite." "I'm a bit of a shape-shifter in that way... I'll do whatever it takes to give of myself." "My pride hides my worthlessness." "I need to be more empathetic to my own needs first, and stop depending on others and changing myself depending on how I want to be seen." "I'm the love I've been searching for." HOST BIO I am Harinder. Having worked closely with people from all over the world professionally in a corporate setting and since, carving out my own path in the past few years. I am an illustrator, artist and designer. I use intuitive creativity and my leadership skills for transformational coaching. I also create tools for personal and team development. Not new to podcasting, I have previously co-created a mini podcast series called How to Land Your Ideal Job. With this podcast series, I wanted to share my life learnings particularly during the fallow period of life when my life’s direction has not been clear and I’ve had to dig deep below the various identities I had collected and assumed to reconnect with who I really am. Digging through the proverbial lead to share golden nuggets of insight. I hope to take people on mellow belly button contemplations that lead to questions for self inquiry and open up new imagined possibilities to new realities. This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/