Ep 33: The Forever Folder — Recording Voice Notes For Your Kids

What if the best gift you gave your kids wasn't a memory, but your own voice? Blake Fly, dad to Koa and Summer (with a third on the way), joins Tony Cooper to talk about Dads Making History, the group he started where fathers record monthly audio and video messages for their kids to hear someday. Blake shares how the practice began during the pandemic, why "donut dates" became a normalizing ritual for the group, how a lost hard drive taught him about the fragility of memory, and how becoming a dad expanded his emotional range in ways he never expected. Tony and Blake dig into presence, legacy, and what it means to really show up for your kids.The "Forever Folder" is a monthly audio or video message dads record for their kids, meant to be a presencing practice for the dad as much as a gift for the child.Less is more: a good message is often just two to three minutes, a small, specific moment rather than a sweeping life lesson.Small rituals normalize across a community fast. One dad's "donut date" habit inspired another dad to start his own recurring one-on-one time with his daughter.One-on-one time with a kid (a donut date, coaching a sport, a standing weekly outing) gives a spouse real relief and builds a distinct bond.Becoming a parent can expand emotional range far beyond what a "sunshine only" upbringing prepared someone for, including grief, like a miscarriage before a first child.Presence is the real antidote to time passing unnoticed. Capturing a moment, even a mundane one like potty training, makes it retrievable later.What we intentionally leave behind (and take forward) from our own parents shapes how we father, whether that's constant positivity, a short temper, or building things with your hands.A voice message might never be listened to, and that's okay. The value is in the ritual of recording it, not guaranteed impact on the recipient. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Blake Fly 01:23 Blake's speaking and coaching work 03:00 Becoming a dad in 2020 04:00 What is the Forever Folder 05:00 Choosing what to record each month 07:54 Dads Making History group 08:05 The donut date ripple effect 10:19 One-on-one time and giving mom a break 12:00 Being the youngest of three 14:04 Foresight that everything is temporary 16:04 A voicemail from aging parents 17:13 Documenting firsts, lasts, and the messy middle 18:23 Counting laps, counting years 21:09 Losing four years of photos and video 23:11 Is this really for the kids or for you 25:00 The realization that changed his approach 27:14 How coaching shapes his fathering 29:17 A grade 8 yearbook prediction 30:52 His mom's signs and rituals 34:01 What he's leaving behind from his parents 37:12 Becoming a dad kicked his ass 38:00 The miscarriage before Koa 40:09 Expanding emotional range 42:22 Preparing for baby number three 44:01 Closing thoughts