Ep 31: Perfectionism Made Him Great. Will It Break Him As A Dad?

A former New York City Ballet principal dancer opens up about the fear underneath the joy of expecting his first child. Chase Finlay talks with Tony Cooper about the perfectionism that carried him from a childhood ballet studio to the world's biggest stages, and why that same drive could work against him as a father. They cover the difference between performing for approval and living in alignment, why presence stops time with your kids, and how recovery and honest relationships taught him to become his own cavalry instead of waiting to be rescued. Chase also shares his intentions for his baby shower, his hopes to raise a daughter free to imagine, and the advice he's giving himself for the first months of fatherhood. Key TakeawaysPerfectionism can build a career and also work against you as a father if left uncheckedThe external pursuit of validation can be fulfilling, but internal alignment creates lasting fulfillmentRecovery and a healthy relationship helped reframe self-reliance: "I'm the cavalry"Presence is the antidote to feeling like time with your kids moves too fastPlay is a child's domain, and imagination is worth protecting from screens and self-consciousnessDoing your own personal work before becoming a parent is a gift you give your childrenA baby shower can be a celebration of the work both partners did on themselves, not just the babyBeing a firm, present, aware foundation for your partner matters as much as showing up physicallyIf you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/00:00 Cold open 00:29 Meet Chase Finlay 01:19 30 weeks into pregnancy 01:35 Abundance and joy in pregnancy 02:30 Fear of not being good enough 03:24 Wanting everything to be perfect 04:11 The evidence he'll be a great dad 05:03 Chase's ballet career begins 06:41 Principal dancer by 19 07:32 External pursuit vs internal journey 09:07 How he discovered dance 11:40 Athletic and artistic, not fitting a box 13:18 Tony's son finds DJing 15:23 Watching your kid arrive at themselves 17:24 Being flexible, not predicting the future 18:13 Perfectionism: great for dance, risky for dad 19:31 Living aligned with authenticity 20:29 The shift from performing to real recovery 21:14 Becoming his own cavalry 22:19 Substance abuse and hitting bottom 23:00 His wife calling him on his bullshit 24:20 Alignment resolves inner conflict 26:11 Doing the work before kids arrive 27:27 His vision: presence as his top value 29:28 Be what you want your kid to become 30:07 Presence stops time 32:30 Wanting to rebuild play and imagination 34:22 What joy means to him now 36:16 Planning the baby shower 39:11 Celebrating the work, not just the baby 40:08 Advice to himself for the first months 41:13 Closing thoughts