White-Picket-Fence Guilt, Free Mom Hugs, and the Nudist's Goat Farm with Melissa Batterson

This week on Tongue First, Siren and Wendy welcome Melissa Batterson, better known as Mother Clucker. She's a chicken tender, a mom of three, a work-at-home healthcare worker, and a member of the TikTok community who has slowly become a real-life friend. Melissa tells her coming out story: a boyfriend's lesbian best friend, a threesome, a roller derby rink, and a five-year relationship that ended when she learned how that partner had treated her kids behind her back. Growing up in the church made all of it harder to process. She talks about cleaning the pews on Saturdays as a kid, the mega church therapist who told her she needed to leave her partner because they were "unequally yoked," and the slow, ongoing work of deconstructing everything she was taught. The heart of the episode is the guilt she carried for years about not giving her kids the white picket fence she grew up with, and how much better a parent she became once she let it go. She also tells the story of the afternoon two strangers told her she'd burn in hell in front of her children, and what her wife did next. That opens up a conversation about harassment, internalized homophobia, and what it costs to keep being out in public. Then things get funnier. Melissa explains how a teenager ends up spending a summer on a nudist goat farm, and introduces us to her chickens by name, along with the dog situation and the rooster who lost his authority. The episode ends on her core values for her kids, a vote to make her the world's mom, and a debate about kidney beans that nobody asked for. Also: Wendy's big job news, Siren's mom getting called Carol, and the most emotional Siren has been on an episode in a long time. If you've ever spent years feeling guilty for a family that didn't look the way you were told it should, or just needed a good laugh about goats, this one is for you. Support the chaos and get access to bonus content, behind the scenes moments, and the Tongue First After Hours community over on Patreon. The link is in the show notes. Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981 New episodes every Monday. Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.