Are Your Kids Being Used as Weapons in Your Divorce?

Season 2 Episode 5: Are Your Kids Being Used as Weapons in Your Divorce? High Conflict Divorce Explained What happens when divorce stops being about resolution… and starts becoming about control? In this  episode of Not Saving It For Later, Hannah sits down with psychologist Dr. Mary Alvarez to unpack the painful reality of high conflict divorce and custody cases — and the devastating impact conflict can have on children. If communication feels impossible… if you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells… if co-parenting feels more like surviving than parenting… this conversation is for you. Dr. Alvarez brings decades of experience working inside high conflict family systems and explains what many parents quietly live through but struggle to put words around. This conversation covers: • What actually qualifies as high conflict divorce • Why conflict is often about power and control—not parenting • Co-parenting vs. parallel parenting • How children become emotional weapons in custody battles • Why tight custody orders matter • How toxic conflict impacts children’s brains and development • The emotional toll on the healthier parent • Self-care, regulation, and surviving without losing yourself • Whether children eventually “figure it out” One truth from this episode that hit hard: "It’s not the divorce that harms children. It’s the ongoing conflict." If you are navigating divorce or custody conflict, we hope this conversation helps you feel less alone — and more equipped. TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 – Introduction + Why This Conversation Matters 02:15 – Meet Dr. Mary Alvarez + Understanding Her Role 07:40 – What High Conflict Divorce Actually Means 14:10 – Why Progress Can Feel Unsafe During Litigation 20:05 – Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting 27:35 – Why Tight Custody Orders Matter 34:50 – How High Conflict Personalities Operate 41:15 – When Children Become Weapons 48:20 – Why Moms Often Feel Pressure to Be “Perfect” 54:10 – Trauma, Emotional Regulation & Self-Care 1:01:30 – Mental Health, Therapy & Divorce Stigma 1:08:45 – Learning Emotional Skills During Divorce 1:14:20 – Choosing Which Hills to Die On 1:20:10 – Do Kids Eventually Figure It Out? 1:27:15 – Healing, Hope & Leaving the Door Open CONNECT WITH DR. MARY ALVAREZ: Website: https://drmaryalvarez.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-alvarez-ph-d-4028836b/ CONNECT WITH HANNAH + HEMBREE BELL: Website: www.hembreebell.com Website: HannahHembreebell.com Instagram: @hannahhembreebell Instagram: @hembreebelllaw Facebook: Hannah Hembree Bell TikTok: @hannahhembreebell