Ep 16 Breaking Down "Three Makes Baby": What We Learned About Building a Donor-Concieved Family (Updated Podcast)

In this episode, we’re breaking down the book Three Makes Baby: How to Parent Your Donor-Conceived Child by Jana M. Rupnow and sharing our honest thoughts after reading it. If you’re navigating male factor infertility, azoospermia, or considering building a family through donor conception, this book is one of the most comprehensive resources we’ve come across. It focuses less on the medical side and more on the emotional, psychological, and identity aspects of raising a donor-conceived child. In this episode, we walk through what the book actually covers, including: The emotional weight of infertility and how to process it as a parent Whether or not to tell your child they are donor-conceived—and why openness is now widely recommended Common fears like feeling like a “real” parent, bonding concerns, and fear of rejection Social stigma, family dynamics, and how to handle difficult conversations How to choose a sperm donor (anonymous vs. open ID, identity considerations, future contact) When and how to talk to your child about their story—from early childhood through teenage years How to navigate identity, half-siblings, and the possibility of meeting a donor And one of the biggest takeaways: how to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time We also share our personal reactions to the exercises in the book—especially the ones that helped us uncover emotions we didn’t even realize we were feeling. If you’re at the beginning of your donor conception journey or trying to understand what it really looks like to raise a donor-conceived family, this episode gives you a straightforward, unfiltered overview of what this book teaches and why it might be worth reading. For reference, this is a breakdown of what the chapters cover: Introduction: An Emotional Decision Chapter 1: Are You Ready to Tell? Explore Your Reasons Chapter 2: Why Tell? Get Comfortable Experts Say Disclose Telling Is Healthy Secrets Aren’t the Best Protection Chapter 3: How to adddress the most common concerns about donor conception? Concern #1 Emotional Distress: What If My Child Is Upset? Complicated Grief Distinguish Your Feelings from Your Child’s Concern #2: Parental Legitimacy Parent-Child Attachment Broken Bonds Concern #3 Social Differences Social Strain Social Strategy Privacy vs. Secrecy Confronting Shame Embracing Differences Concern #4 Family/Cultural Differences Acclimating to New Family Chapter 4: Choosing a Donor Connecting to Your Donor Donor Profile Selection Process Anonymity Not Guaranteed The internet is a resource Social media influence Donor Regulation Self-Report Psychological Testing Known Donation Preparing for known donation Embryo Adoption vs. Embryo Donation Future Contact Potential Genetic WonderEpigenetic Influences Chapter 5: when and how to talk about it When Is the Right Time to Tell? Talking over the Years—Make It Your Story Shifting from your story to your child's Baby years Preschool years Middle-childhood years Teenage years - Finding Identity and Meaning How to talk about half siblings how to talk about grief Five Ways to Handle Social Situations: The Five Ds Chapter 6 - Finding treasure Book link: Three Makes Baby