We Hadn't Spoken in 6 Weeks. Then My Dad Died by Suicide.

🎧 In this episode, you'll get:Language for the guilt that can follow suicide lossPermission to stop chasing an answer you may never getA reason to ask for help before you think you “need” itA better way to think about therapy when the first person isn't the right fitA frame for the three paths grief can put in front of you: fall apart, white-knuckle it, or use itPermission to cry, talk about your dad, and stop treating emotion like weaknessIdeas for keeping your dad present through music, traditions, and rituals Scott Panov never imagined his dad would die by suicide. They hadn't spoken for six weeks after a family disagreement. After his dad died, Scott was left with guilt, anger, and questions he knew might never be answered. That night, he asked for help. This one's about suicide loss, therapy, letting go of blame, and realizing the dad you thought was superhuman was human too. 👨 Meet Scott PanovScott is a son, father, hockey coach, artist, and advocate for men's mental health. After his dad Nikolai died by suicide in 2023, Scott sought trauma therapy and grief counselling. It changed how he thought about strength. Instead of carrying everything alone, he started talking, asking for help, sharing how he felt, and supporting other men who were struggling. ⏱️ Episode chapters00:00 — “I never would've seen it coming”01:00 — Welcome Scott Panov02:50 — Meet Nikolai04:30 — Measuring yourself against your father07:00 — Dad and Splash Mountain10:15 — Men who weren't taught to talk10:55 — August 24, 202311:40 — The phone call from Mom12:50 — The signs nobody understood14:35 — We hadn't spoken for six weeks16:00 — Telling his kids17:45 — His superhuman dad was human18:30 — The backpack full of rocks18:55 — Searching for a reason19:20 — Asking for help that night22:00 — Trauma therapy23:15 — The three paths after trauma24:45 — Making emotion a superpower25:30 — Finding the right therapist29:00 — Becoming kinder to himself30:00 — Men's mental health31:50 — Buying Dad records every birthday34:30 — Where his grief is now36:00 — “I miss my dad”37:00 — Scott's advice to other men Meet another guy in the club:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutMlctDGYE 🖤 About Dead DadsDead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that happens after your dad dies. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. You're not alone. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reach out for help. In Canada and the U.S., call or text 988. ☕ Support the show:https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast Website:https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/ TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast Substack:https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast New episodes every week. Produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions:https://jarpodcasts.com/