Play First, Ask Later: A Play Therapist on Getting Tweens to Actually Cooperate

Somewhere around 11, your kid stops playing “the floor is lava” with you. A lot of parents quietly stop trying to connect that way and never start again. Dr. Kim Van Dusen isn't buying it. She's spent almost 25 years studying play, she's a licensed marriage and family therapist and registered play therapist, and she just wrote a book called Parenting Through Play. She's also a mom to a 12-year-old and a 9-year-old, so she's living the tween years right now, right alongside everyone listening. In this conversation, Dr. Kim and Dr. Sheryl talk through what play actually looks like once your kid is too old for dolls and too self-conscious for a dance party. Kim explains why her daughter has a code emoji (a donut, specifically) that means "come get me, something's wrong," and why gamifying chores works better than any lecture. There's a story about a family chore race that gets done in 30 minutes flat, no bribe, no reward, just a timer and a little competition. The idea underneath all of it: play isn't a reward you dole out after the hard stuff is done. Put it first, and the power struggles start to disappear. If your "easy" kid has gone quiet on you, or your house has stopped feeling playful and you're not sure how it happened, this one's for you. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Yoto: Get 15% off your order with the code DRSHERYL15 at YotoPlay.com. New customers only, ends October 31, offer valid on select products only. Terms apply. Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit girlscouts.org to learn more Frida: Shop Frida for Kids at Walmart and Amazon today Good Inside’s Dr. Becky and Dr. Sheryl have a new show on YouTube - Teens & Screens, a bi-weekly video series helping parents navigate today's biggest technology questions. Watch the series on youtube.com/@goodinside. Follow Dr. Sheryl on InstagramLearn more about Good Inside Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.