ep. 13 Seventy Five Alarms One Minute Apart

Episode 13 of the No One's Watching Podcast. If you're watching this you shouldn't be.Marathon prep is back on track after the vacation hiccup. Average day is four miles now and I remember when I was struggling to do one. Ran in a tornado warning this week because I hate the treadmill that much. Sweat beads are forming on the brim of my hat while I run and it's giving me Marine Corps South Carolina nostalgia. Heart rate is staying down even though it's only getting hotter. The engine is getting better.Then I told my wife that half of what I had written down to talk about was about her. So we just hopped into it.She sets alarms one minute apart starting at five AM when she doesn't wake up until six thirty. Seventy five alarms. One minute apart. She doesn't hear any of them. I hear all of them. I shake her awake, she turns it off, goes back to sleep, and another one goes off sixty seconds later. If you snoozed the five fifteen what makes you think you're waking up at five sixteen? Just set one alarm for six thirty and get an extra hour and fifteen minutes of sleep. But apparently that's my fault for being a light sleeper.Then the apartment complex situation. A woman I've never met in my life knew my dog's name, my name, and stuff about my job. I'm just Maverick's handler at this point. I'm Maverick's human. I don't want people knowing my dog's name before I introduce him. People are asking me about my job and I've never seen their face. My wife is apparently running a PR campaign for our household without my knowledge.Got held hostage by my sixty year old neighbor for an hour and a half talking about his Pontiac Sunfire like it's a sports car. I'm too golden retriever to shut it down but too black cat to enjoy it. Fifty one percent black cat, forty nine percent golden retriever. But I can't wait until I'm seventy and I get to hold the youth hostage with my stories about my 2019 Ford Escape.Also thinking about faking Alzheimer's for five years when I'm seventy five. Walk into the supermarket naked every Sunday. Tell the cops you're lost. Do it for five years. Then at eighty just tell everyone you've been fine the whole time. Grandpa you walked into Weiss naked every Sunday. Yeah. Yeah I did.Then the ice cream rant. My wife gets mint chocolate chip with rainbow sprinkles every single time. Mint is for nicotine and toothpaste. Chocolate is too heavy for mint. Why is mint ice cream green? There aren't enough mint leaves in the world to turn ice cream lime green. York peppermint patties should be in a multi billion dollar lawsuit. Thin mints? Bad. Ice cream has fifty flavors and fifty toppings so you can explore. My Mount Rushmore: vanilla, Oreo from Carvel, Moose Tracks, and the Ben and Jerry's mud pie pint with the hard shell and cookie crumble.If my only complaints about my wife are alarms, people knowing my business, and her ice cream choices, I've done pretty well in the wife department.📱 TikTok & Instagram: stopwatching.today 🎥 YouTube: stopwatching-today