Always on High Alert: The Exhaustion of Being a Hypervigilant Medical Mom

When you’re the mom of a child with epilepsy, special needs, or complex medical needs, it can feel like you’re never truly able to turn your brain off.You’re constantly watching, checking, monitoring, planning, researching, anticipating, and preparing for what might happen next.For some of us, seizures have been part of our child’s life for years. We know that a seizure cluster can happen unexpectedly. We know that rescue medication might be needed. We know that sometimes plans change quickly and a trip to the ER can happen without warning.So how do you ever truly relax when your brain has learned that the next emergency could happen at any time?In this episode, I’m talking about hypervigilance and the exhaustion that comes from living in a constant state of “ON.”I share my own experience as a mom of a child with epilepsy and complex medical needs, including what it feels like to constantly anticipate the next seizure, medical appointment, procedure, or unexpected challenge.But this episode isn’t about telling you to stop being vigilant or to simply “stop worrying.” We know that being prepared and paying attention can be an important part of caring for a medically complex child.Instead, I want to talk about finding small moments where we can stand down.Moments where we aren’t researching.Moments where we aren’t checking.Moments where we aren’t anticipating the next problem.Moments where we can remind ourselves:“Right now, we are okay.”In this episode, I share 9 strategies I’m personally working on to help calm my nervous system, stay grounded in the present, and create small breaks from constantly scanning for what might go wrong.Why moms of medically complex children can feel like they are constantly on high alertThe connection between uncertainty, fear, and hypervigilanceIdentifying your personal “always on” behaviorsCreating small “stand-down moments”Why having an emergency plan can sometimes help quiet the brainGrounding yourself in what is happening right now instead of what might happenGiving your brain something else to focus onLearning to hand over responsibility to another caregiverCreating a “worry window” instead of immediately researching every concernUsing breathing and bedtime meditation to help quiet a racing mindWhy taking care of yourself doesn’t make you a less attentive or less devoted caregiverYou can be vigilant when you need to be.You can have a plan.You can pay attention.And you can also give yourself permission to breathe.You don’t have to stand guard every second of every day. This isn’t about pretending that nothing difficult will happen. It’s about giving yourself permission to experience the moments of peace that exist between the difficult ones.Because you deserve to experience the good moments, too.Choose one of the strategies from this episode and try it this week.You don’t have to completely change the way you think or learn how to relax all day.Start with 10 minutes.Ten minutes where you don’t have to solve anything.Ten minutes where you aren’t researching.Ten minutes where you aren’t checking.Ten minutes where you simply allow yourself to be present.You may be surprised by how much even a small break can help.If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another mom or caregiver who may need the reminder that she isn’t alone.Connect with me:You can connect with me on Instagram: @parentingepilepsy_specialneeds And if you have a moment, please rate and review the podcast. Your reviews help this podcast reach other parents who may need to hear that they aren’t alone.Until next time, remember:You don’t have to stop being vigilant. You just need to give yourself permission to stand down sometimes. #specialneedsparenting #epilepsy #parentingepilepsychildren #hemispherectomy #hemiparesis